In Love and in Life, You Get What You Focus On

There was a period of time when I said {mostly to myself}, “Down with men” at least once a day. I was suspicious of any male person who was nice, because I was pretty sure it was inauthentic.

In my coaching business, I hear it all. While my clients share their goals and dreams with me, they also share what they’re up to … and it’s not always good. For a few months, it seemed like every single male client I worked with was having an affair. Their smart, nice, gorgeous wives had no idea, and went about their business as if all was well. While I worked behind the scenes to help them live in integrity, I secretly wondered if all men were untrustworthy jack-holes.

It turns out they’re not, but I had an important mental shift to make before I could find what I was looking for.


Because my antennas were up for “men who lied and cheated” I found men who lied and cheated, and more men who lied and cheated. Which reinforced my belief that men lie and cheat. It was no surprise when I dated a few men who lied and cheated. 

But then I realized I’m getting what I’m focusing on. If I wanted to find men who were honest and faithful, perhaps I should tune in to finding them. So I did. I consciously kept my eyes peeled for honorable, nice guys and you know what? I found them!

One of my lady clients started telling me all about her husband who stayed home with the kids and was the best house husband ever. Another client told me about her husband who was her best friend, partner in crime and business partner — and they just don’t spend time apart because they never need a break from one another. I got a few new male clients who were single and looking … and so cute about their pursuit and what they were looking for, and a few others who were married and just said the most loving things about their wives.

You must notice the first move was mine: I had to decide what I really wanted and begin to look for that. It was, and is, up to you to decide what you want. There’s no sense in leaving your life up to chance, hoping that while you’re looking for one thing, the thing you really want will sneak up behind you and bring a present.

Decide what you want and look for that, because in love and in life, you get what you focus on. {Tweet this!}

Start right now. (Smile.)

BE SURE TO READ:

Create a New Story {The Successful Single Mom}
Single Moms Can Find Love Again {The Successful Single Mom}
Want Love Again? Forgive. {The Successful Single Mom}
Fall in Love with … YOU {The Successful Single Mom}
The Successful Single Mom Finds Love Excerpt

The Successful Single Mom is the only book series for single moms written in a positive, can-do voice, from the coaching perspective, by an executive coach who was also a single mom. These books provide that road map for creating the life you want, starting right now, today!

The Successful Single Mom Read-Along #2

Single moms, here’s the vlog #2 of The Successful Single Mom Read-Along.

If you’re following along, tweet about it!

See vlog #1 here. — Click to tweet.

This coming week we’re reading pages 13 – 33, Chapter 1: Oh Shit Day! and Chapter 2: Create a New Story. Next week, I’ll answer your questions, so be sure to ask me what you want to know! 

The email address for The Successful Single Mom Read-Along is HonoreeCorder {at} Gmail {dot} com. Send in your questions, and let the transformations begin!

P.S. If you’re just tuning in and haven’t gotten your book, go here for an overview of the Read-Along, which includes all of the links you need {including how to get your free bookmark!}.

SHIFT! and the World Shifts with You

4 Ways to Make Today Awesome

My daughter has always had personality in spades. And she can let things roll off her back like no-one else I have ever seen.

When someone is rude, doesn’t call her back, or tells her no, she just doesn’t really seem to care. She’s pretty happy-go-lucky and while I’ve been concerned about her getting her feelings hurt {which happens, don’t get me wrong}, most of the time she just doesn’t care.

As a single mom, you’ve got more than your fair share of challenges and each one of them brings with it the seed of mama being an unhappy camper. But what happens doesn’t have to determine how you feel about it, and it can’t shake your positive attitude if you don’t let it.


I love the saying, “Shift and the world shifts with you.” If you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, the rest of the day can go just like that. One miserable misstep, toe-stubbing, rude jerk encounter, head-bumping accident after another.

OR.

Or, you can literally shift … shift your energy, shift your focus, shift your thoughts. Guess what happens next? Well, there might not be a whole bunch of amazing miracles that happen {or there might, don’t count that out} but you will at the very least feel a whole helluva lot better.

Four ways to make today awesome:

• A bad “event” {like getting a speeding ticket, or spilling your freshly-brewed coffee} doesn’t mean you have to have an entire bad day. If you think you can laugh about it later, laugh about it right now.
• How someone treats you is about them. How you respond is about you. So if your ex, or your boss, or your former BFF, is a rude SOB, that’s their shit and you can let them keep it. Just smile and keep moving. You’ve got places to go and people to see.
• Emotion comes from motion. If you’re experiencing a frustrating event or series of events, go for a walk, take a spin class or throw on some Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke and shake your money-maker! You can’t be depressed while you’re dancing, running, or shopping. You have to be covered in a big fuzzy blanket with a quart of Rocky Road watching Terms of Endearment. Don’t do that. You have little people watching and you want them to learn how to be positive and resourceful {don’t you?}. I know you do.
• The minute you feel awful, just take a moment to notice and acknowledge your feelings. Negative emotions and feelings are perfectly normal .. and they are action signals: they let you know that something you want to happen isn’t happening, or something you don’t want to happen is happening. Your opportunity is to change the situation, eliminate it, or accept it. You get to decide whether you respond or react. Are you gonna fly off the handle, lose your shit {and your mind}, complain to friends, co-workers and strangers … which makes it bigger and worse? Or are you going to decide there’s either nothing you can do about it, or there’s finally something you can do about it — and just flippin’ do it already!

You’ve made it this far, lady. You can conquer any glitch, challenge or jackhole that comes your way. Know it. Own it. Now, go on your way and make today awesome.

BE SURE TO READ:

Create a New Story {The Successful Single Mom}
The Single Mom Care Package {The Successful Single Mom
Fall in Love with … YOU {The Successful Single Mom}
How to Enjoy Being Single and a Single Mom {The Successful Single Mom}

The Successful Single Mom is the only book series for single moms written in a positive, can-do voice, from the coaching perspective, by an executive coach who was also a single mom. These books provide that road map for creating the life you want, starting right now, today!

The Successful Single Mom Read-Along #1

Welcome to the first vlog {video blog} of The Successful Single Mom Read-Along!

This week we’re reading pages 4 – 12, the Successful Single Mom Principles, Dear Reader, Meet the Moms, and the Prologue.

If you haven’t gotten your book, go here for an overview of the Read-Along, which includes all of the links you need {including how to get your free bookmark!}.

Next week, I’ll answer your questions, share your thoughts, and give you more insight into the process.

The email address for The Successful Single Mom Read-Along is HonoreeCorder {at} Gmail {dot} com. Send in your questions, and let the transformations begin!

Single Moms: When Dad Isn’t Around

As a single mother, you may have to deal with a father who isn’t very involved in your child’s life. In fact, you may be mom and dad. 


How you communicate with yourself about what’s happening is critical, and how you communicate the situation to your child is equally as important. Here are some ways you can handle it like the star you are:

• Realize that no matter what you do, you can’t force your child’s father to be involved.
• Although having a father figure is important, it’s not everything. As a good mother, you don’t need a father to raise your child in a quality fashion. You’re good enough all by yourself!
• Forcing a reluctant father to talk on the phone will only confuse your child.
• If you try to force a relationship with a father who doesn’t want one, your child is bound to feel disappointed and rejected.
• Don’t talk negatively about your child’s father, but don’t glorify him, either. Be matter-of-fact and age-appropriate. Consult a therapist if you need guidance and support.
• Listen to your child. Understand they are probably dealing with emotions they can’t comprehend or understand, and just being there can get them through this, and any, tough time.
• Leave the door open for responsible contact between the father and your child.

Remember this, mama, having just one amazing, support and encouraging parent is enough!

BE SURE TO READ:

Single Mom Support System {The Successful Single Mom}
The Single Mom Care Package {The Successful Single Mom
Fall in Love with … YOU {The Successful Single Mom}
How to Enjoy Being Single and a Single Mom {The Successful Single Mom}

The Successful Single Mom is the only book series for single moms written in a positive, can-do voice, from the coaching perspective, by an executive coach who was also a single mom. These books provide that road map for creating the life you want, starting right now, today!

Guest Blog: The 7 Essential Apps Single Moms Should Have by Marcela de Vivo

There are so many smartphone apps designed for parents that you’d probably never be able to check them all out, even if you didn’t have anything else to do. If you’re a single mom, that’s certainly not an option.

There are some apps out there that can be helpful for you and your kids. Below, you’ll find seven of the best apps for single moms. They may not all be relevant for you, but chances are you’ll want to add at least a couple to your mobile device.

1. Hashtag Mom

Hashtag Mom is an ingenious app for single moms and any parent that allows kids old enough to be out with friends or other parents on their own, but not truly on their own for long, to check in with mom using the #mom hashtag via FourSquare. When your child uses the #mom tag, you’ll get a notification on your phone so you’ll know where your son or daughter is without having to bug your teen with tons of phone calls.

2. Amazon

The Amazon app is popular with everybody from college students to working adults, but it can be particularly beneficial for busy single moms. Why? With the Amazon app, everything that you might need, from a last minute gift for a friend that you don’t have time to shop for to bulk diapers can be purchased with the click of a button and sent to your door.

To save even more time when ordering, you can even have purchases billed to your Amazon Prime account if you have one.

3. What’s For Dinner?

The What’s For Dinner app is a simple one that makes finding helpful resources for healthy meals and snack ideas simple and convenient on your smartphone or tablet. The app can help you find recipes for a meal or for a week’s worth of meals, and it can even prepare a grocery list you can use to grab everything you need to make healthy meals for yourself and your family.

4. Intuition: Mom’s Personal Assistant

Designed to help busy moms keep track of multiple items like to-do lists, grocery lists, coupons and schedules, Intuition: Mom’s Personal Assistant is about as close to a real personal assistant as many moms are going to get.

Intuition: Mom’s Personal Assistant can even help you find the best way to maximize your time through smart routes and planning if you have multiple locations on your to-do list.

5. iSentry

iSentry is technically a home security app, but it can be a great resource for single moms who want to take a step up from traditional baby monitors {that always have tons of static!}. You can set up a computer in your baby’s room to monitor them; however, unlike a traditional camera where it continues to record at all times, it sends a video or photo to your smartphone or mobile device whenever movement detected in the room exceeds the motion sensitivity limit. This makes a powerful, yet simple home security tool.

6. Pandora

Pandora is a radio-like app that you can put on your smartphone so you always have music at your fingertips. If you’re wondering why single moms need this app, it’s because every possible minute of potential relaxation needs to be fulfilled.

For many single moms, those 10 minutes in the car waiting on their kid after school might be the only 10 minutes in the day to enjoy something as simple as the music they like. Pandora gives you that opportunity right from your smartphone.

7. MapQuest 4 Mobile

A lot of smartphones come with interactive maps, but they don’t all provide voice navigation. A map is helpful, but you can’t be staring at a 4-inch screen while you’re driving around with restless children in the backseat.

MapQuest 4 Mobile is a simple app that gives you directions via voice, and even recalculates your route if you go the wrong way or miss a turn without entering your information manually.

Being a single mom can be hard work. While a few apps may not make the job a piece of cake, they can help you in your day-to-day life, whether you’re trying to find a few minutes to relax or a way to do everything you need to do in what seems like an impossible amount of time.

Marcela De Vivo is a freelance writer from So Cal who covers everything from health and beauty to technology and manufacturing. With three children of her own, she finds these apps helpful in managing her time between work and home.

10 Ways You Can Help Me Help Single Moms

Single moms are everywhere, I meet a new one almost every single day. Last night I met a single mom in graduate school with two kids. She works full time, so she gets up at 4 a.m. to study before, in her words, “her day starts.” When our mutual friend mentioned The Successful Single Mom book to her, she couldn’t wait to read it, so I gave her a copy. She just sent me an email this morning telling me how much it inspired and helped her and that she was glad she gave up some sleep to read it. And, she wished she’d had it much sooner.

I think what’s true is that single moms want and need the information contained in The Successful Single Mom, but if they don’t know it exists, they won’t get it and benefit from it!

Here’s how you can help me help a Single Mom today {and thank you so much!}:

1. Buy the book {series} for yourself or a Single Mom

If you haven’t already (gasp!), please do it now. If you’re a single mom, I promise you’ll enjoy it! If you’re not, well, everyone knows at least one single mom and they will be so grateful you’ve thought of them and gotten them a gift! Buy it here on my website, at Amazon, Barnes & Noble or iTunes.

2. Send an Email

A personal email is always the best way to tell a friend something you like and recommend it to them.

Some thought starters…

“Honoree Corder, former single mom, executive coach and corporate trainer, has authored a book for single moms that has them creating new levels of personal and professional success! I care about you and your greater success so I heartily recommend getting your hands on the book The Successful Single Mom. Get it here: Amazon, Barnes & Noble or iTunes.”

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“I’ve been able to change my life and my future with Honorée’s help and the tools from this book!” ~Christine Plaisted, Participant in The Successful Single Mom Group

 
3. Facebook

Facebook is a great place to tell friends about what you like! Anything you are able to post on your own Facebook page about the book would be appreciated. The above works great here, too.

Be sure to join and join in on the conversation at The Successful Single Mom Facebook Fan Page. There I can keep in touch and help you with what you are doing as well. (Copy ideas to share with your friends is below.)

4. Tweet

Help us go viral on Twitter. Some tweet topics include ‘you are buying the book’, ‘giving the book as a gift’, attach a picture of where you’re reading it, shout-out your favorite chapter or re-tweet someone else’s comments. The key is to keep the conversation going. You can follow me on Twitter at: @Honoree too. I’m also recommending all of the great books I hear about through @singlemombooks.

Another Tweet idea is to add hash tags so that other people can follow and help the news propagate.  Use any of these popular hash tags: #singlemoms, #divorce, #singleparent, and #success.

Tweet ideas:

This is the book that changed my life. Buy it and it comes with a free gift. Check it out! http://dld.bz/apNBM 

Author @Honoree reveals what single moms need to be balanced, happy and successful! Get it here: http://dld.bz/apNBM

More money, less stress, happier mom = happier kids … it’s all in this great book for #singlemoms: http://dld.bz/apNBM

Whoever told you being a single mom was to be pitied or success wasn’t possible, lied to you. Here’s the truth: http://dld.bz/apNBM

For #singlemoms: If you only read one book, ever, THIS is it! http://dld.bz/apNBM

The book that got me back on track after my divorce: http://dld.bz/apNBM 

5. Blog

Do you have a blog or know someone who does? You may want to blog about the book andor your favorite topics from the book. You can find blogs and other info here: The Successful Single Mom Blog.

6. Write a Review

If you have a publication single moms read, you can request a copy of the book in exchange for a review. 

7. Single-Mom Focused Churches, Non-Profits or Organizations

If you know someone who leads an organization that helps single moms, The Successful Single Mom Principles in The Successful Single Mom are especially poignant as it is about helping single moms get the very best results possible. Recommend they review the book and then bulk purchase the Single Mom Transformation Program for their entire organization — just have them email me: Honoree (at) CoachHonoree (dot) com.

8. Media

I am doing TV, radio, newspaper, magazine and online media. If you’re a single mom with a television show, like Katie Couric or Bethenny, or a mom with a show, like Kathie Lee & Hoda, let’s discuss single moms, what they need and issues they face {and of course we’ll bring books for everyone!}.You can inquire here: Joan {at} coachHonoree {dot} com.

9. YouTube

I’ve done a series of videos called the Single Mom’s Motivational Minute. Start here when you need a few words to make your day better, and be sure to share!

10. Word of Mouth

Please tell co-workers, friends, family, and people on the street: “Have you read The Successful Single Mom book? I recommend it!”

Thank you in advance for helping me help others access The Successful Single Mom Principles in The Successful Single Mom book. Your doing so could make a significant difference in someone’s life who might not otherwise have heard about it.

With gratitude and to your success! ~Honorée Corder

Honorée has dedicated her life to being a positive force for good. She writes personal and professional growth and development books, and The Successful Single Mom book series. As an executive coach and corporate trainer, she turns service providers into rainmakers, average producers into rock-stars, and dreams into reality. For more information on how she can specifically help you or your organization, click here.